All our experiences shape us for better or for worse. Our lives are a tapestry of experiences – of all shapes and sizes – that thread together to make us the person that we are. Through social media in particular, we watch celebrities of all kinds grapple with the experience of success and all that comes with it. We bear witness to their experience – and often judge them for the degree to which they’ve remained themselves or a decent enough person. But what about you? You may not be a celebrity wielding the kind of fame and fortune of those that attract the media spotlight, but you do have more status, income and influence than you once did, as a result of being promoted to the leadership position you now hold. So, how has leading changed you?
Personal Reflections
As a solopreneur these days, I don’t hold a leadership position relative to others. I don’t hold positional power as there is no organisational context to my work. But I do remember aspects of what it was like for me as I became more senior during my management consulting days. I know it enabled me to go on more expensive holidays and buy a bigger flat. I know it gave me more responsibility for the assignments and people that I managed. I know it contributed to an increase in self-confidence, in ways that were helpful to me. I also think that there were aspects of that confidence that tipped into arrogance at times. I think there was a degree to which I sometimes did those things that people more senior to me sometimes did – and that I hated. One example was using my position to bump more junior people out of the always scarce meeting rooms. I wonder if my rank gave me more permission to behave a little less well in some small ways simply because I was more senior. It was never conscious. I think that with more power and influence comes a different relationship with oneself and with the world. And it’s one we really need to keep an eye on.
I think my biggest experience of this have been during my travels. One example was when I spent two years living and working in Romania from 1999-2001, a country which at the time was still emerging from the Ceausescu period. I was a West European perceived by many as wealthy and privileged, with status and positional power. Indeed relative to the majority of people I met, I was all of those things, even though it took naïve / ignorant little me a while to figure that out. But I gradually began to realise that in some cases, people’s behaviour towards me was not so much driven by who I really was but by how much power and privilege I was perceived to have. I was treated like a VIP by many and seen as an absolute expert. I was also asked for money and even stolen from. It was a powerful lesson in understanding something about power – and the impact it can have, as much on other people as on you.
Leadership and Power
History and the world of politics give us endless examples of the ways in which power corrupts. Sadly, that world largely serves to provide evidence of the fact that power and influence tend to become the sole reason for leading, rather than leading becoming the reason for being a force for good.
But what about the world of ordinary organisational life? I’m not even talking about uber successful business people. I’m talking about people like you who are perhaps Chief Executive Officers or other C- suite leaders, or even middle to senior leaders in any private, public or voluntary sector organisation or business. What about you? How has leading changed you?
I’ve seen it in friends who’ve climbed up through the ranks, and I’ve seen it in client organisations. I’ve observed the impact on individuals of becoming someone who is ‘important’ and someone whose time is a precious commodity that no-one can get enough of; of becoming someone that people want access to because you’re the decision-maker they so desperately want to influence; of becoming the person who can make or break other people’s success; who can facilitate or deny access to opportunities; whose view or behaviour can change the atmosphere of a room and sway the way a meeting or decision goes; whose opinion is the one that people seek; whose approval and high regard people try to secure; the person to whom many will defer – even if they don’t agree with you, just because you are the leader; of being the one whose view counts the most.
It’s hard to know which comes first: the change in you or the change in attitude of your environment towards you (ie people behaving differently towards you). But let’s be clear: it does change you. And often not for the best.
The Perils of Promotion
My observation is that people tend to forget the degree of impact and influence they have. To them, they are just doing their job. The increase in their power has been gradual over time, and they have ceased to notice. I’m often amazed in coaching conversations when I ask people to reflect on their impact. So often, their answers suggest that they’ve lost touch with the nature and degree of their power.
We hear all the time how hard it is to stay grounded when you are elevated to huge success by money and fame. But it’s not so different when we look at the day-to-day behaviour of people in positions of leadership.
What’s more, it’s totally understandable and I get it. It’s inevitable that the experience will shape you. But surely one of the greatest gifts in leadership is the ability to stay humble enough to know that you are not the most important person in the room; that just because you’re the most senior, does not mean that your time is more precious, your views more important or your behaviour less constrained by the rules that govern everyone else.
Self-Reflection Questions
You may well feel sure that your rise through the ranks has made no such difference to you, your mindset or behaviour but is that really true. How has leading changed you? Here are a few questions to reflect on:
- How has being in a position of leadership changed the way you see yourself and your sense of identity? Consider whether your sense of self-worth or status has shifted and if so, whether it has brought you closer to or further away from who you really are
- To what extent has the way you relate to other people changed as your level of authority has changed? Do you have people around you who have worked with you for long enough to be able to give you an honest view, were you to ask them?
- Which parts of you and your style have you had to dial up or dial back, in order to succeed in leadership? How has that shaped how you show up and at what cost?
- How content are you with who the person you have become since being in leadership?
Have a good long think, not a quick rattle through. Coaching provides a great opportunity to assess your relationship with power and your understanding of your impact. But you can also ask members of your family and people that work with and for you. Be really honest. Ask for the more challenging or difficult messages specifically. Make sure people know that you want to hear all of it. Because if they only give you good news, it could be that you have not created an environment in which people feel able to say this stiff to you.
And that in itself would speak volumes.
One mechanism for checking in on your leadership style is to take my Deeply Human® scorecard. It might give you some additional prompts to help you reflect on your own style and approach. Or, if the time is right for you to enter coaching, drop me a line. All my 1-1 coaching packages come with an Enneagram profile. The Enneagram is one of the most in-depth profiling and developmental tools on the market. It will definitely turbocharge your self-awareness.