You may be aware by now that I hold a strong position about what good leadership looks like. You might even be familiar with my Deeply Human® model of leadership with its ‘Five Cs’ or have read the blog where I set out what it is and why it is so desperately needed, from both a wellbeing and a performance perspective.
But what about Connection specifically? In this post I want to focus on ‘Connection’ – one of the ‘Five Cs’ and highlight why it is one of the cornerstones of the model.
The Dangers of Distance
I was recently a guest on the wonderful Matt and Crista Vance’s podcast The Culture Profit. In Episode 35 entitled ‘The Human Factor of Leadership‘ they asked me about the relationship between the work I did as a probation officer many years ago at the start of my career, and the work I do now as a leadership consultant and coach. My reply was:
“I learned everything I know about how to develop rapport with pretty much anybody from any walk of life (from that time), and how to develop relationships that are catalysts for change.”
In essence my answer was all about relationship.
In listening to me talk, Crista picked up on another aspect that I had not really thought of but which really struck a chord.
“A lot of the time we view these people as criminals, not human beings. And in the work place we also often don’t view people as human beings, but rather as employees” she said.
I think this is so true. And, as I said in my conversation with Crista and Matt, the dangers of distancing ourselves from people are huge and have had devastating consequences across history, in terms of conflict and war around the world. The greater the distance, the easier it is to objectify people and become immune or insensitive to their feelings, needs and humanity.
Senior leaders can be incredibly far removed from the people they lead who are doing the doing, especially of course in huge organisations of tens or hundreds of thousands. But if British anthropologist Robin Dunbar was anywhere close to right, it is also a challenge for leaders in much smaller organisations. Dunbar’s proposal was that humans can only maintain stable social relationships at any one time with around 150 people. If that’s the case, where does that leave us?
The Dangers of The Hamster Wheel
Dunbar’s theory is not the only complication. There is also the prevalence of the ‘Hamster Wheel’ culture in most organisations that makes connection really hard.
In this cultural paradigm, we are too busy spinning frantically on the wheel of busyness, to be able to connect with ourselves, never mind others. We don’t have time to think. We don’t have time to eat, take a pause or sometimes even go for a comfort break. We are caught in the whirlwind of task execution, oblivious often to whether or not we are doing the right things that will really drive impact or performance.
In the world of the ‘Hamster Wheel’, connection is usually a casualty. And it’s not only in the world of work. It’s in life too. I wrote a post on LinkedIn recently about how I had been surprised by a friendly ‘hello’ from my postman one morning. I had been ‘courting him’ for a while as he seemed a tired, lonely soul. I was so happy when he finally greeted me first when he arrived in my street. As I say in that post:
“He is one of millions of people who do work that we rely on every day but whose face or presence we easily overlook. Think of the taxi drivers, the restaurant waiting staff, the supermarket cashiers and the street sweepers. And inside your offices, think of the porters, the receptionists, the cleaners or those that work in the canteen or the post room.
Our sense of our own busyness and our own importance often leads us to not even see these people, let alone acknowledge them.”
And what is the impact of this collective not seeing? Is it no wonder that so many of us feel isolated, disconnected, disengaged or worse – both in and out of work?
The Power of Connection
The fact is that connection is a fundamental human need. Exactly what that looks like for each of us will vary, of course, but invisibility serves no-one.
It is also a fact that connection breeds trust, and trust breeds followership. Why would I follow you if I had zero connection with you, if you didn’t appear to notice me or care about me? Well, I wouldn’t.
Margaret Hefferman in her famous TedTalk about super chickens, talks about social capital and how critical it is to a company’s success. She talks about the importance of water cooler moments and the ways in which leaders (and environments) need to encourage connection because, she says, it is collaboration and not competition that will enable us to succeed.
In a world of increasingly remote working and digitalisation, this is even more challenging, and all the more important.
Connection: A Pathway to Wellbeing and Performance
The fact that the business of connection is challenging in today’s world, means it is ever more crucial that leaders develop their capacity and capability to foster meaningful relationships that inspire trust and followership. At the end of the day, it is relationship – combined with skill, insight, technical expertise – that will unlock performance, while also ensuring our work places are places of humanity.
If you want to see how you or your organisation fare when it comes to Deeply Human® leadership, why not take my short scorecard. It’s completely free and might give you some food for thought about where you could focus to get better results.