There is a lot of talk about wellbeing at the moment. It seems it takes a global pandemic for the subject to be put firmly on the agenda. What’s more today marks the start of mental health awareness week, so it seemed an appropriate time to add my words to the debate.
In preparing what I wanted to share at a recent talk I gave, I was reflecting on my own definition of wellbeing and its importance to me. For one thing, it is one of the cornerstones of my business. The importance of being well; living well, working well, leading well, is central to what Neon is about. Without wellbeing, we are less able to give of our best to ourselves, to our families, communities, teams and organisations.
I am a big lover and liver of life. I am often described as a big personality who is dynamic, lively and fun. I think (hope!) those things are true. I definitely have the capacity to experience and spread joy and energy, to be high on life, to dance in my kitchen and play like a child. But that is not the whole story. I am also someone that has a pronounced capacity to feel pain. I have spent a lot of time in my adult life coming to peace with this and battling the inner and outer voices that tell me I am ‘too much’. This is just my version of what many of us experience in the process of integrating all the different parts of ourselves and entering more fully into self-acceptance.
My capacity to experience the full spectrum of human emotion is a fundamental part of who I am. My ability to hold the full spectrum of human emotion for others, is a fundamental part of my skill as a coach. This also explains why my business is called Neon. I believe that this experience of being human is about navigating all the colours of the spectrum. It is not just about the blues, purples, reds and greens. It is also about the blacks: the metaphorical blacks. That is the deal. We don’t get to be human and not ‘do’ the black. That’s not how it works.
It often seems to me that people are seeking a definition and experience of wellbeing that excludes the black. My definition of wellbeing is different. It is not about the absence of black. It is about our ability to be with the black. It is not, in these times of Covid-19, the absence of anxiety, fear, depression, frustration and whatever else we may be feeling, that we should be seeking. It is about being able to experience those feelings and to do so knowing that they will pass, as all feelings do, and to still hold ourselves as resourceful human beings with compassion and love. This, it seems to me, is what it means to be well.