When I left PA Consulting Group after ten whole years, I could hardly believe how long I had been there. An entire decade seemed like ages — in a good way — but still, a long time. And now I find that it is already nine years that I have been running my own business, under my own banner, with my own brand and my own clients. There is a little voice inside me that still whispers “Blimey! Did you really do that? Little old you?”
When asked, my Mum described nine-year-old me as “lively, mischievous, creative, animated and determined”. As Neon enters her tenth year of existence, I find myself wondering how many of those words, or which others, I would use to describe her. I know for sure she has grown and matured a whole lot since her birth (I can almost hear myself, like one of those annoying adults we all surely experienced as kids, marvelling out loud to us and our parents about how tall we are, as we inwardly roll our eyes). I also know that she is a source of great inspiration to me and has her own wisdom from which I can learn, if I choose to listen. That may sound ridiculous to many of you but I really believe it to be true. It reminds me of what Frederic Laloux talked about in his wonderful ‘Reinventing Organisations’ book, when he talked about ‘evolutionary purpose’ in organisations and how the job of leaders is to tune into and listen to that. I have a sense of what he means now. Neon knows where she wants to go and has an organic way of developing that I have come to love (most of the time!!). She is very wise for her years.
I remember clearly how many of my management consultant counterparts asked me what I was going to do when they heard news of my resignation. My answer was “My own thing” — yeah, it was that vague. But it felt important. It was accompanied by a discernible longing for depth, creativity and humanity in my work despite the fact that I had no clue what those things meant or how to join up the dots in any meaningful way. That was really scary — I remember that too. I felt like I had moved into a mansion with innumerable rooms and vast space, without any furniture or decoration or contents whatsoever; just knowing that I liked the colour blue! Nine years in, I see all three things as hallmarks of Neon, both in what she stands for and in what she provides. They are like the jewels in her crown and I feel very proud of that fact. And still astonished!
The adventure is still very much on-going and, in many ways, I still feel like a novice but in reflecting on the route I have taken to this point, I started thinking about some of the lessons I have learned along the way. Here is a simple list to start with:
- Autonomy and freedom are two fundamental drivers for me. Self employment provides an abundance of these. It is a joy
- Autonomy and freedom are often accompanied by isolation and loneliness. Self-employment provides an abundance of these too. This is less of a joy
- Learning to trust in myself, in life, in my ability to do this has been one of the greatest gifts I have ever given myself. And it is a lesson that has no end. That voice that tells me it was just luck and that I will never find work again continues to this day
- You really do not need to know what the destination looks like. You just need to take the first step (as David Whyte talks about in his poem “Start Close In”), keep following what you love, however vague, and what excites you. That’s what I did and that’s what Elizabeth Gilbert did in ‘Eat Pray Love’ (in her case, learning Italian) and she ended up marrying Javier Bardem so make of that what you will!
- Clarity about the kind of work that floats your boat and the kind of conditions in which you want to work will come and then go, and then come again, changing and evolving with experience and time. Staying connected to this, being flexible to what comes and pragmatic in response, is not always easy but deeply rewarding
- Going out on your own is not for everyone. But I really love it and can’t imagine it being any other way. Most of the time.
So no, there’s no itch.