I went to North India in April for a two-week adventure. The first part was spent doing yoga and exploring the wonderful town of Rishikesh. The second part was trekking in the Himalayas. It was the most incredible experience. It also taught me a lot about both how to follow and how to lead, and the specific value of Deeply Human® leadership.
The Dream
I had always wanted to go to the Himalayas. I am more of a sea person than a mountain person really, but the majesty of those mountains was something I really wanted to experience for myself. So when it came to choosing where to go for my next adventure, I chose Northern India so that I could pay those mountains a visit.
When I booked the trek, I somehow missed the bit where it talked about a ‘summit’. It just did not register. I’m not sure what I thought would be involved in a Himalayan trek. But I didn’t think it would be summits!
I don’t think of myself as especially intrepid. My Mum thinks I am. But I’m not sure that my Mum’s measure of intrepid is necessarily the one I would use to measure myself against. My measure has me comparing myself to people that climb mountains without harnesses, or women that travel solo in Afghanistan or Sierra Leone or set off to Pakistan without a plan or a place to stay (I know women who have done the last two. I don’t know any free climbers!).
By these standards, going on a 4-day trek in the Himalayas was not especially intrepid. And yet I was a little anxious. When I booked it, my plan was to go alone (with a guide, of course) but then someone with whom I was sharing the yoga retreat week, asked to come too. And so we were two. I didn’t train for it. I guess I thought that working out a few times a week would suffice (a bit of Barre, a bit of gym, a Saturday work-out in the park…surely that will do?). I packed well – making sure I had waterproofs, warm layers and a First Aid kit. I did not have poles (I have a mental block about walking poles, sorry). And I did not research the trek itself. I chose it because it was the shortest possible at four days and three nights, included lots of wild flowers and looked beautiful!!
In summary, I was keen, well kitted out but clueless about what it would involve. And so off I trotted with a new hydration bladder in my backpack, and excitement in my heart.
The Challenge
As the yoga retreat began drawing to a close and the prospect of the trek loomed large, I started to get anxious. My friend told me that it was snowing where we were going and that we were going to need to use crampons. She asked me how much training I had done. She asked me if I knew how many other people were coming in our group and what age they were (in case we were going to be the oldest by a mile). I confessed I had done no training and did not like the sound of crampons. What had I let myself in for? I sent a flurry of anxious messages to the company, all of which came back with patience and reassurance. The detail was absent but the message was clear: it will all be fine.
On the morning the trek was due to start, my friend and I met at 6am at the hotel reception. She had been awake since 3am worrying. I had slept but woken early remembering an adventure about fifteen years before in Mali. On that occasion, I had signed off an organised overland trip to the Festival in the Desert, when security concerns led all overland trips to the festival to be cancelled. Determined to go, I had found a guide, a cook and a driver and persuaded seven others to join me on our own independent adventure. I then spent the night under canvas on a rooftop in Timbuktu, listening to the call to prayer through the night and wondering whether I was doing the right thing. As it turned out, it was the trip of a lifetime but in that moment, it seemed a little reckless.
And so in India, I started to doubt if I had done the right thing. Would we manage?
The yoga centre where we had stayed was located up a steep, narrow, bendy road which no-one in their right mind wanted to drive up. So the hotel took us down in their vehicle to the road where we were to meet our driver and guide.
When we bounced and lurched to the bottom the vehicle was waiting for us, our two new companions ready to greet us and bundle us into the car. At that point, I relaxed massively. They were in the right place, at the right time, just as they had said they would be. What’s more, they were an absolutely delight: warm, friendly, full of care, relaxed (not looking horrified at the prospect of getting us both up the mountain). I knew I could trust them.
The Unexpected
The journey into the mountains took seven hours. It was a stunning drive through changing landscape with lots of little stops for food and comfort breaks. At one break, we were suddenly told that our lovely guide who had accompanied us thus far was now going back to the town. We were introduced to our new guide – Narayan, a young guy who was just coming down from doing the same trek with some MUCH younger people. I didn’t want this young guy. I wanted the other guy. But there was no discussion. That was the plan and off we went.
Narayan was from the mountains. He had done the trek a thousand times and clearly loved what he did. He had the most beautiful smile which was usually beaming at you, communicating a tangible desire for you to be happy and at ease. He had a lightness of heart and sense of fun that was infectious. And so the seven hours of car journey unfolded until we finally reached the point where the trek began (just one hour on the first day). We hurriedly rearranged our bags, pulled together what he told us we would need for the first night, made sure we had enough water and set off.
The Climb
Altitude is a right pain when it comes to trekking! That hour (which ended up being 90 minutes) was torture for me. As soon as I started walking, I felt out of breath. It didn’t look particularly steep and so for a while I couldn’t work out why I had to stop after every ten steps so that my heart could settle and catch up. I began to panic. If this was the first hour, how on earth was I going to manage eight hours the next day and the same the next?
Narayan was amazing. ‘Slowly slowly’ was his mantra. He showed no sign of impatience. He didn’t ask me any questions or hassle me to speed up. He made sure I knew he was there but also gave me space to find my own path and my own way. Sometimes he left me on my own as he went to check on my friend.
I was pretty delighted when we got to the end of that first stretch and reached camp. I decided at that point to content myself with that little achievement for the time being. The camp was stunning, the mountain peaks snow-covered and the homemade dal delicious. The mountains started to work their magic on me and I could feel myself sinking into a state of blissful inner quiet. I chose to avoid thinking about the next day.
By morning, I was forced to confront the reality of what lay ahead and I was worried. I was full of doubt about whether I would make it, given my experience of the previous day. We had 17 km ahead of us and I was not looking forward to it. Narayan was clear “I know you will get to the top” he said. Whether he believed it, or was just saying it to boost my confidence, I don’t know, but I chose to believe him and set off.
The Leap of Faith
There were many points over the next two days where I was consumed with self-doubt. There were moments when I was so totally exhausted, hot, out of breath, heart feeling like it was going to explode, that I wanted to give up. But at each step, I refused to think about what lay ahead, focussing only on the here and now, and on Narayan’s confidence in me. I didn’t ask him a million questions. I trusted him. I knew he was from the mountains. I knew he had done this trek and many harder ones many times before. I knew he understood what was involved and would tell me if I was going to be unsafe. I knew he would tell me what I needed and when by way of kit and food and drink. I knew he would take care of me. And I honestly didn’t need to know anything else. I could just focus on the ‘doing’ (ie the walking).
The Fall
Getting to the top was an incredible feeling that I will never forget. Crampons had been fitted as the snow appeared and the last hour of ascent unfolded. I just remember slogging with grit and determination up that mountain, raising my head occasionally to clock the summit and see how much closer it was getting, then putting my head down again to slog some more. When I finally got there and rang the bells outside the little temple-like building, it felt like a miracle. The view looked like I imagine heaven might look. I was above the eagles and overflowing with gratitude.
We ate, took pictures, stared and gazed in wonder. Then we had to come down. And so the really tricky bit began for me.
I am not used to snow. I had never walked in crampons before and I couldn’t tell how much was snow and how much was ice beneath my feet. I was scared. And then of course I slipped, immediately finding myself speeding down the mountain side without any sense of how to stop. Narayan somehow caught me, pulling me with both hands to a standstill. But that was it! Panic took over, tears came and I became paralysed with fear. It took me a long time to pick my way down that mountain side and when I got to the bottom, I sat down and literally sobbed with relief!
I don’t think Narayan really understood my fear. For him, the snow was fun. He could have skipped like a mountain goat down that snowy slope. Instead he waited, offered help and patiently encouraged me, coaxing me down step by step. I would not have made it either up or down that mountain without him. I am so very grateful.
Five things I learned about how to follow
I don’t find often find myself in the position of follower these days. Here are the lessons I learned about what it takes to follow.
- Following is not necessarily easy, especially if you are used to being in control and prefer it that way. It can generate anxiety and vulnerability.
- Following requires a relinquishing of control, and the capacity to trust. Some will find this hard. Trusting someone’s competence, their reliability, their care for you and their motivation is key (see the famous Trust Equation for detail!).
- Buying into the vision or the dream helps a lot (I so wanted to get to the top and for the sky to be blue when we got there). The more you want to reach that end point, the more you can visualise it, the easier it is to trust the one leading.
- Being really clear about what is your ‘bit’ and what is someone else’s ‘bit’ also really helps you focus on the stuff for which you are responsible.
- There are no leaders without followers. Often we don’t get to choose who leads us. The relationship between the two is so very important.
Five things I learned about how to lead
At Neon we believe in the power of Deeply Human® leadership. This experience reinforced my belief that this kind of people-centred leadership is the best and only way to lead. Here are my top five lessons.
- Asking someone to follow you into sometimes difficult and challenging terrain, is a really big deal. People’s vulnerabilities as well as their dreams may be at play. Do not underestimate the scale of the ask.
- Take time to understand the motivation of your people and remind them again and again of their purpose and prize.
- Demonstrate your care for those you are asking to follow you. If they believe they are safe with you, they are more likely to follow.
- Believing in your team’s ability to succeed, and letting them know you believe in them, is a game- changer. Sometimes your belief in them will need to be greater than their belief in themselves.
- Creating an environment of fun, positivity, while also being really clear on what is required and when, is key.
You can read more about our leadership development work here. If you want to explore how we can help you develop the leadership capability in your team or organisation, please contact us here.