Last weekend I went rifling through old photographs in search of pictures of a dear friend whose birthday we were due to celebrate on Saturday. Inevitably it released a lifetime’s worth of memories; of people, relationships, specific life events, of times gone by, and versions of myself that have also now faded. It also released all sorts of emotions — mainly nostalgia and some melancholy and a longing for things past, a desire to claw back time, to return to youth and reconnect with those I have lost.
Two weeks ago it was the anniversary of my Dad’s death and 2 years of him not being here with us. He was on my mind, of course. And despite the controversial nature of my Dad and my relationship with him, I shed tears as I reached for memories of his presence, his energy, the way he made me laugh and lift me in ways so few could or can.
And I thought about how in the years to come, I will no doubt do the same of photos I take today or this week or in recent months and will look on those stills of smiles and moments with the same nostalgia, imagining, somehow, that those moments were better than those I will be living in that future moment.
My “youth” was no picnic. My Dad was no angel. Now is not “bad”. It is all just a perspective; a choice we get to make of how to see ourselves, the world around us and our relationship with it.
Mood provides a perspective that can change everything, despite the fact that nothing around us has actually changed. I know that the changes to my internal climate shift, and that they shape the way I see and experience my “reality”, the degree of light and dark in it, the meaning of it, the value I attach to it. Our life experience shapes the sense we make of what is here. We all bring our “structure of interpretation” to each moment, each situation and each experience. What power we have. And I wonder how wisely we use it.
There are many moments in my coaching work where I am inviting a client to assess the perspective they are taking, their habitual perspective, the one that has settled into their way of living, and to question if this is “it”, if this really is “the one”, or whether there are others that they might like to visit and explore. A new perspective, a subtle or radical shift in perspective can change everything. Which perspective are you choosing to adopt to the way your life is unfolding, what it has brought you so far and the path ahead?
I don’t miss my Dad every day. I don’t always remember him fondly. I know that as a student I was as anxst ridden as the best of them and barely conscious of the fruit of youth from which I was eating. If someone had said to me at 21 that I would be hosting my 50th birthday party as a single, self-employed, independent woman who loves so much of herself and the life she has created for herself, I am not sure I would have believed it, nor viewed it as a situation worthy of praise or celebration. And yet here it is. Here I am. And my perspective continues to change from day to day, from minute to minute, sometimes. And so it is to be human.
Which perspective are you currently holding about your life, the way you are living it and the people with whom you share it? What about choosing a different one for a day and seeing what that might have to offer you?