How do you know for sure that it really is time for a fundamental change in some aspect of your life or career?
We all have bad days, even in jobs or relationships that we love. Maybe even bad weeks or bad months. Sometimes even longer. They happen for all sorts of reasons, including wider circumstances that impact us, periods of prolonged stress and pressure, difficulties with a particular individual, project or situation that make life difficult or unpleasant. None of these are necessarily signs that you need to leave your job, relationship or situation.
So how can you be sure?
There’s no such thing as perfection
From fairy tales to Hollywood, from TV ads to social media stories, we are often lured into believing that there is a perfect state at which we eventually arrive. Whether it be in the realm of romantic relationship, finances, family or career, many of us are holding onto a belief that there is a perfect destination out there, called ‘the island where it all works out’.
I am sorry to have to break it to you but this place does not exist. And it’s unhelpful to encourage people to think this way. Yes, we can reach a point in any of those domains where we regularly experience joy or feel pretty darned content, but there will always be some kind of complication, challenge or shortcoming that will arise. The result is that we might often hanker for a change that will give us that extra degree of perfection – be it in terms of financial reward, sense of fulfilment or extra spark of fun, adventure, romance or stability (whatever floats your boat).
Given there is no such thing as perfection, the task of knowing when to stay and when to go becomes even more difficult. How imperfect is the right amount of imperfect? And when is it too much?
Persistent dissatisfaction
When I became a probation officer, I had a fascination for what makes people offend and a deep-seated sense of social justice. I also had an acute sense of not belonging in that profession from the outset, and an enduring sense of intellectual frustration. Neither of these things left me. Both made me unhappy. It was after two years in an overseas consultancy role with the Romanian Ministry of Justice (which I absolutely loved), that I knew I had to make a change. This experience had shown me a whole new world and I knew I wanted more of that. It took me another 18 months before I managed to make the move.
When I became a management consultant, I was excited about the opportunity to make a difference to the public sector from a different standpoint. I also had massive imposter syndrome and was convinced I would be fired at the first opportunity. With each promotion I achieved, my imposter syndrome grew smaller until, six years in, it disappeared. What emerged then was the realisation that while I loved the stimulation, variety and intellectual challenge of the job, there was too little of myself that I could bring to work. I wanted more humanity and more creativity in my work. The feeling persisted for four years, during which time I tried various things including a sabbatical and a move to a different part of the firm that specialised in culture and leadership development. The improvement was small and short-lived. I knew I had to leave. By the time I left the firm I had been there for ten years. For at least three of those I had wanted to leave.
Now I am not suggesting that you need to wait for years until you realise that it’s time for a change. But I am suggesting that you need to recognise a pattern of dissatisfaction or unhappiness that indicates a need for change, and to listen to it.
Reading the signs that it’s time for change
If you are grappling with whether or not you are ready for change, here are five questions to ask yourself:-
- If you’re honest, do you know that the length of time you have been feeling dissatisfied or unhappy is actually too long?
- Do the ‘low points’ of your situation outweigh the ‘high points’?
- Does your desire for change remain consistent on both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ days (it’s easy to want something different on a bad day, but how do you feel on a better day? Is that feeling still there?)?
- To what extent is fear and/or lack of confidence the real thing getting in the way of you creating a new beginning?
- In your heart of hearts, what do you know to be true about what you want and need to feel as though you are living we’ll?
Often, the truth is staring us in the face. We just need to have the courage to front up to it.
The Wheel of New Horizons
People can spend the longest time in that initial period of trying to decide whether or not to commit to a new beginning. In our model – The Wheel of New Horizons – this is the stage between Dream and Decide. For some people it can take years. For others, months. And it doesn’t matter how long it takes (well, it might do to you…). What matters is that you do reach that point of decision and you move swiftly into the process of cultivating the conditions you need to support yourself in that process of change.
It could be that you need to ask for help of some key people in your life. It could be that you need to put in place some healthy habits that will keep you grounded, motivated, energised and purposeful. It could be that you need to provide yourself with a reminder of the change you are embarking on so that it is accessible and close to hand in your everyday life. It might even be some kind of training that you need to help you access the new opportunities you seek. Or that you need a coach to support you in the journey, challenge you to take risks and hold you to account for sticking to your decision and taking the necessary steps to move ahead.
Take a look at the model. It could be that you are further ahead than you realise.
The time for change is now!
If you have got this far in this post, I think you know that it’s time for a change. The chances are you have had way more than one day of feeling dissatisfied or unhappy. You know it’s time. And I am here to tell you – having done it several times in my own life and career – that while the road ahead is likely to be turbulent at times, unpredictable, messy and scary, it will be so, so very worth it. As Jack Kerouac said:
‘Because in the end, you won’t remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing your lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain.’
You can read about how I coach people in creating new beginnings here. Maybe the next one to find their new job or way of life is you!
If after reading this you want to understand more about how ready you are to make your new beginning a reality, click on this link and take my short quiz. It’s totally free and you will get a personalised report with some further pointers. And if you would like to bounce some ideas off me, or talk about how coaching with me might help you, just make a time with me here.