I am amazed at how quickly phrases like “self-isolating” and “social distancing” have become part of everyday parlance. Whilst being clear of the need for it, I also feel a little anxious and unnerved by what it signals about fundamental changes that are already upon us, for an unknown period of time, regarding how we come together in society. Or how we don’t, as the case may be.
For a long time I have been interested in the whole question of loneliness and solitude. To a large extent this is because it is something I experience — and, if I am honest, that I struggle with sometimes — in my own life. My relationship with it has become more mixed over time: on the one hand it is a cause of a lot of pain for me. And on the other, it is a source of great joy and creativity. Through my own experience, it has become a subject that fascinates me and one about which I care very deeply.
Covid19 is not the only pandemic in town. Loneliness is one that has been eroding the sense of wellbeing of millions of people, and the longevity of many (due to suicide and reduced physical health) for a long time now. As certain traditional structures such as family, church and even permanent employment, have increasingly fallen away, we have become more isolated in our ways of living. Technology and social media have not helped. The causes are multiple and complex but the impact is worrying. Last month, the Guardian published an article entitled “The Agony of Weekend Loneliness”. It described the experience of people who are terrified by the arrival of the weekend when so many with families disappear into their homes, leaving so many others at a loss for social contact until the working week begins again. It is not necessarily any better in the workplace. I read recently that “more than half of UK employees have felt lonely at work” (Wellbeing Pulse, November 2019).
And now we are being required to isolate ourselves, to distance ourselves from others, for the sake of our physical safety and that of the most vulnerable in society. Again, I understand this. I am also painfully aware of the other risks that come with it and wanted to share some tips on how you can come through this with your psychological wellbeing as intact as possible.
- Find ways to stay connected to people. Technology can help. It’s not the same as being there in person, but it is better than nothing. Phone and Skype are better than texts. Seeing a face and hearing a voice make a difference.
- Try to establish some kind of structure in your days. We can long to ‘do nothing’ in the midst of busyness but then the blank canvas of an apparently empty day can become daunting. Finding a rhythm or a routine that gets you up and focussed is a powerful tool for anchoring yourself.
- Try to get outside into fresh air. If this is not possible, use one of the many online apps or YouTube videos available that provide short workouts that keep your body active and boost your endorphins.
- Invest in your creativity. There are many of us who want to play the piano, write that book or take up painting again or take up a long lost creative pastime. It has often been said that solitude is the best place for these pursuits to take place. Stockpile creative tools, not loo roll and take time to create.
- Turn off Netflix. I have heard many say that Netflix is all they will need if they find themselves at home for a week or 2 in the current climate. And believe me, after watching 13 seasons (yes, seasons) of Grey’s Anatomy in the last year, I know the prominent part that box sets can play. But there is a deadening of brain and blood that happens when that’s all we do and which is not conducive to our wellbeing. Limit your diet of screen time.
- Take the opportunity to spend time with yourself. I have found great contentment and freedom in my own company in ways I could never have imagined. It has taken practise and work, but what a joy! Of course it can be hard to face into certain things within yourself, but I firmly and resolutely believe that doing so is freeing and healing and only for the good. Meditation is great for this and requires no props at all (although there are numerous apps to help you get started, if you would prefer). Journalling is another great way of hanging out with yourself and can provide real companionship in periods of isolation. If you want more help than this, you can always take that plunge you have been flirting with for months, and get a coach…..we all work online these days.
- Read, read and read some more. I used to devour books as a teenager and then as a student. As I have got older (and busier). I have found it harder to keep reading, unless I am on holiday. But there is a world of literature out there for every taste and interest.
- Learn something new. There is nothing more stimulating for the mind than learning. These days there is so much that can be done online. Still wishing you could speak French? Now is the time!
- Reach out and help other people. That might be phoning someone you think might be struggling, sending a note to your neighbours offering help if they fall ill, or singing to your street from your balcony (or does that only happen in Italy?). I have always found that the best way of getting out of my own struggle is being in service of someone else’s.
- Be kind to yourself and ask for help. This is last on this list but in some ways, the most important and the hardest to do. Or is that just me? There will be days when you feel rubbish. There can be a stigma attached with feelings of loneliness (despite the fact that at the moment, at least, we know it is not “just us”). Treat yourself in some way. And when you feel really rubbish, reach out and ask for help. You might be amazed at the warmth and loveliness that comes back at you. I did that today and was moved to tears by the response.
I would love to hear your views and experiences of loneliness, social and work place isolation and your thoughts on how we should respond. Please contact me at kate@neonclc.com