There is something about being an outsider that always used to upset me. My mind always used to tell me that my position was one that was forced upon me by those that didn’t want me any closer in, or didn’t feel that my particular flavour of contribution was either valued or even wanted at all. There was always a dilemma for me, it seemed — either to make my own choices, think independently and strive for what I wanted and believed in, and thereby find myself on the outside (and therefore alone), or to compromise on those dreams and beliefs, in order to find myself more on the inside and therefore with a greater sense of belonging. The truth is that that dilemma still exists for me and my sense of place on more of the outside still brings a degree of loneliness and sadness.
But the more I have reflected on this, and the more I have lived it, the more I have come to realise some essential truths:
- It is not that others have put me there, or cast me out. My place on the outside is a place I have chosen and continue to choose. For me it is a place of greater freedom, a place of independent thought, curiosity and challenge. And those are some of the values I most prize in myself, in others and in life. Whilst I do not consider myself a radical non-conformist, I do know that a fundamental part of my DNA has been to go my own way, no matter what the cost, to make choices that are truly mine, even though making those choices has often made it a harder path.
- I am more on the “outer side”, than on the outside. In other words, my place is not a place of separation and exclusion. I am still “in”, I am just more outer, than inner. There is a huge difference in this way of thinking. Perhaps most importantly, it retains a sense of being part of, but in a different place; one that is a place of my choosing.
- The outsider place has immense value. I am so often the person that says the things others are thinking but will not or cannot say. So often in groups or in meetings, I will speak out, sometimes with a degree of trepidation, but often with a profound sense of passion and conviction about what I feel to be right or true or important, often knowing that there will be ripples. And so often afterwards, people will thank me and tell me how grateful they are for the role I played in speaking their truth. There are things that can be said from the outer side, than cannot be said from the centre. There are things that can be seen from the outer side, that cannot be seen from within. There is a contribution to change and innovation and creativity that can be enhanced from that place, in a way that it cannot from the middle.
When I look at the choices I have made in my life, both personal and professional, there is no doubt that I choose to be on the outer side. I sit outside the centre of the conventional family life, and my work identity is shaped fundamentally by a sense of “right place” that comes from looking from the outside in, both in my role as a consultant, and in my position of self-employment. I believe there are changes I can make from that place which I could not make from a different place. I also know with every ounce of my being, that this is my place, whether I like it or not, and it is time I claimed it for the value it truly has.
And yet it makes me wonder. It makes me wonder about the multitude of others who live on the “outer side” and how they find their tribe and their inner sense of value. It makes me wonder about those that feel themselves to be on the “outer side” but don’t quite have the courage to step out. And it makes me wonder about those within teams and organisations, who play that role, and the extent to which their contribution is truly valued and harnessed for the greater good.
I want to work with these people, as associates, as partners and as clients. And I want to hang out with these people in life. If any of you are out there, I would love to hear from you.