We are five months in. It is not news anymore. Well, not in the way it was. And certainly not “new” news. The pandemic-related lexicon is firmly part of everyday parlance. Some of us have even got used to wearing face coverings, staying apart from each other, working from home and doing without many of the activities we used to enjoy in the evenings and at weekends. Those of us who were really desperate, have even had a little jaunt overseas on holiday to remind ourselves of what that feels like (and in my case, to escape the Scottish summer of low cloud and persistent rain). And it is now possible to go for a drink or a meal in some places, if you are not too put off by the rules about how this should be done..
But let’s be clear: IT’S NOT OVER. We are still living with this virus in amongst us and its impact is everywhere. Even the stories that are not directly about the pandemic — take the shambolic fiasco of UK school exam results — are still about the pandemic. Everything that is happening at the moment, is happening in the shadow of COVID-19.
This may seem like a strange thing for me to bother to say. But I do so because I am noticing how tempting it is to start judging things on the basis of a pre-COVID world. When I say “things”. I particularly mean feelings, how we are doing, our moods and frames of mind. During Lockdown, we were on high alert for the negative impact on ourselves and others. Added to that, there was more community, more of a sense of togetherness (perceived, at least) and perhaps a degree of clarity that came from a sense of a finite duration period. These things have all changed. We are definitely more divided I our experience and our attitude towards it; we are more focussed on the threads of re-found normality and keen to see more be introduced; and in the meantime, the road of limbo land stretches out ahead of us for as far as the eye can see.
For me, this is proving way harder and there are times when my resilience dwindles. As I write this, I see how obvious and understandable this might be. But I have realised lately that I am forgetting on a day to day basis that times are not ‘normal’ and that the impact of COVD is still very real. And the fact is that we have all been living with this for five months now. Fatigue sets in and our stamina stalls somewhat. How long are we going to have to keep this up?
In pondering this, I am reminded of three things. The first came from flicking through Tara Brach’s book ‘Radical Acceptance’ and is about the importance of self-compassion. As the time ticks on, it is easy to forget that we continue to be affected by this every day — and will continue to be so for a while yet. It is wearing and now that many of the systems of support that emerged during the acute period of Lockdown have dissipated, it falls on each of us more than ever to remember this and to be gentle with ourselves and others.
The second is about the nature of emotion. Emotions are energy and, like waves, they pass through us, rising gradually in force, reaching a peak and then subsiding. They are not constant. They do pass. How you feel in this moment, on this day or during this week, may be different in the next.
And the third, is about the gift of hope. In difficult times, in the midst of the metaphorical black of the Neon palette, stepping into hope can feel like the hardest thing to do. In some ways, I believe, it is also the simplest — and perhaps the only — choice we have.