Tomorrow is International Women’s Day. It’s a day that I always mark because I feel such a deep sense of injustice about enduring gender inequality and a passionate desire to change it. It upsets me and it makes me angry. Last year I wrote about this anger — my anger — and also about the unacceptability of anger, particularly when expressed by women.
This year the theme of International Women’s Day’s is #choosetochallenge. You don’t have to be angry in order to challenge, but if you are a woman and you do challenge, you are often accused of being angry. And — as already noted — this is not a good thing.
I am someone that challenges. Anyone who knows me in any sphere of life, knows this about me. I know this about myself. It is part of my DNA. It comes from a deep, deep wish for things to be better, for us to be better, for ME to be better. Over the years I have learned a lot about what it means to challenge, what it takes to do so effectively and skilfully and — perhaps most of all — the personal impact of being a challenger. Some respect and love you for it. Many do not and it is not uncommon to find yourself on the outside, or, as I once wrote, on the ‘outer side’. I have come to realise that being on the ‘outer side’ is my place. I am not a ‘cosying up with the majority’ person. I will not (perhaps even cannot) sacrifice conviction for (false) harmony. I value independent thought and enquiring minds and spirits that are able to take a stand even when it makes them unpopular. This is most possible from the ‘outer side’.
I am not suggesting, by the way, that I always challenge skilfully. I do know that I have learned ways of mixing challenge with empathy and love and humour even, such that it lands more effectively. I have also learned that there are moments to express the challenge you want to make and moments when not, in order to avoid confrontation and escalation. I have learned too that sometimes things just have to be said, even if harmony is broken and there is fall-out. I have experienced that fall-out and felt the consequences of it many times. I continue to learn. But one thing I will never do is stop challenging. If I did, it would be a worrying sign that my life force was dwindling and my spirit fading.
Given all of the above, you can probably imagine how delighted I am about the theme for IWD2021. I have a lot to say on the subject. In a similar way to the angry women thing, I have a hunch that women who challenge are more likely to be unpopular. I also know there is an awful lot in the world that needs to be challenged and most certainly when it comes to the topic of gender inequality. It would be powerful beyond measure if more of us could find what we need to take a stand and challenge this.
So what does it require of us to speak out, to call people out and to challenge the status quo? What does it mean to challenge the boss who hires and promotes in his own image, or continues to endorse a system where women are paid less than men? What does it take to challenge the colleague who makes comments about ‘over emotional’ or ‘bossy’ women in the team? Or the all-male team that regularly criticises you, their female boss, for your leadership decisions but praises and thanks you when you cook dinner for them one evening (and clean up after them)? What does it take to speak out about perceived bias and discrimination within a system of which you are a part and in which you would like to stay and succeed?
A lot depends on context, of course and a lot depends on the individual. I could not begin to speak for everyone. I do believe, however, that no matter how skilful and thoughtful you are about how you do it, you may still end up a little further out on a limb. All the more so if you have done it before. And that is regardless of your gender and regardless of the subject. But make the subject gender inequality — a subject that comes with a particular emotive charge — and make the challenger a woman and the stakes are even higher.
Claire Genkai Breeze and Khurshed Dehnugara talk about what it means to challenge in the following way in their fabulous book ‘100 Mindsets of Challenger Leaders’:
“You want the best for the place you belong to, but to challenge it means you need one foot outside and one foot inside the status quo. This is a destabilising, anxiety provoking and enlivening place to stand. Part of your work is to be neither subsumed by the establishment nor to let yourself become the Rebel that is completely disconnected from it”.
I totally understand what they mean. I have experienced that tightrope walk, that precarious dance requiring one foot in and one foot out. I agree that it is enlivening. I also agree that it is destabilising and anxiety provoking. I know that there is often the risk of increased alienation and you need to be ok with that, resilient enough to cope with that. But most importantly, perhaps, the urge to challenge needs to come from a deep desire to improve, rather than to damage, blame or destroy. This underlying motivation will colour the tone and delivery of the challenge you make and shape the degree to which it will land with those whom you are challenging. And this, after all is the point, right? To challenge and to influence. To challenge and to prompt new thinking. To challenge and to help bring about change.
My hope today is that we all respond to this enlivening call to action. May we all find it in ourselves to take a stand for gender equality and may we all choose to challenge more often from this day forward.