Anger is not generally considered a socially acceptable emotion. Unless, perhaps, when it’s experienced by men when, it seems, it is a little more accepted, if not exactly celebrated.
But in women, it is not really ‘the thing’; not ‘pretty’, not feminine, not appropriate: highly undesirable, forbidden even (if we’re honest). It’s bad enough to be feminist. But to be an angry feminist? Nope. Not OK. And worse still if you are a black woman, as Michelle Obama talks so eloquently about it in ‘Becoming’.
I see anger differently. Anger, in my eyes, is one of the many emotions we experience as humans, as legitimate as any other emotion we feel and one that merits, perhaps even demands attention. It needs to be handled with care, of course, as it has the potential for harm. But ignoring or gagging it does not help. It only makes it worse.
So I am going to come clean and be honest. When it comes to issues of gender inequality, I really do feel angry. I am angry that the perpetration by men of physical, emotional and sexual abuse and violence against women remains so prevalent. I am angry that there are still so few women in positions of power, be it in politics or business or other institutions of significant power and influence across the world. I am angry at the way women are seen and treated by so many formal religions. I am angry that so many young women and girls feel it necessary to punish their minds and bodies so savagely with eating disorders. I am angry that society causes women who are neither wives nor mothers to question their value as women. I am angry that the gifts, strengths, insights, creativity, resourcefulness and grace of women are not more widely appreciated, respected and sought out by the men who still wield the majority of the decision-making power.
Furthermore, I believe my anger to be justified. The facts I list above are a disgrace on a modern society that so often prides itself on its progress, achievements and even superiority. So yes, I am angry and I will not apologise for it.
The challenge for me is how I find a place inside myself for this anger without it doing harm to me. And then how to channel it in a way that ensures its usefulness in the world, in the way I champion other women in their endeavours, and how I lend my voice to organisations and causes that support women and the on-going fight for gender equality. I know that my anger comes from a place of deep love and care and a profound desire for equality, freedom and justice.
David Whyte puts it beautifully, I think:
‘Anger truly felt at its center is the essential living flame of being fully alive and fully here; it is a quality to be followed to its source, to be prized, to be tended, and an invitation to finding a way to bring that source fully into the world through making the mind clearer and more generous, the heart more compassionate and the body larger and strong enough to hold it.’
So this year to mark International Women’s Day, amongst the celebrations and the gratitude, I am daring to express my anger in all its ugly, unacceptable lack of femininity. Without apology.
And I will continue to channel it as best I can, in my work as a Trustee for Edinburgh Women’s Aid, in my coaching work with women, in my interactions with men and in all the opportunities I find to support the movement for greater equality for our 49.6% of the population.