There is not a team or development session that I run which doesn’t start with a check-in. The rationale is clear: there is value in becoming really present in the moment, through connecting to self, acknowledging what is true for you, and for those around you, before jumping into the jaws of task. It is a way of clearing some space and allowing yourself to arrive fully before embarking on some “it”. I read this described recently as “emotional wifi”, a means of tuning in to ourselves and others.
The question “how are you?” seems such an easy question to those of us that work in the field of development and inner human and organisational health. And yet, I am constantly reminded of just what a huge assumption I make when I assume that ease. Time after time, I encounter individuals who simply don’t know, for whom the invitation to connect inwardly and explore what is really going on for them, is deeply uncomfortable and for whom the prospect of finding a word that comes close to describing how they are — how they really are — is genuinely a struggle. The easiest words (which I often outlaw) are “tired” or “fine” or “good”. It can take a lot to probe more deeply and tiptoe your way into the wonderful cauldron of complexity that is your inner world.
And then there is the ubiquitous “busy”. If I were paid a pound for every time I asked someone how they are and got the response “busy”, I would surely be a millionaire by now. It is as though “busy” as become an emotional state. Or perhaps more a mask or a camouflage for something else — far more hidden away — that lies beyond or beneath. Or maybe, the degree of “busy-ness” is such that any prospect of knowing how you really are, has all but disappeared.
My view is clear: individual and collective health, in organisational communities and societal communities, require us to connect with our true state and to begin to familiarise ourselves with our own depth and repertoire of emotion. Slowing down enough to feel is a pre-requisite for this. Placing attention on what is within, rather than what is without, is key. There is intrinsic value in becoming present to ourselves and to those around us.
This is what Neon sees as Connection — one of the Four Cs of effective leadership (of self and others) and organisational health. Next time you ask someone how they are, really pay attention to what they say, and to what you say when someone asks you. And when you ask the question, offer it with the intention of someone who is genuinely curious about the answer. And see what a difference that makes. I, in the meantime, will prepare my check-in for the team with which I am working tomorrow.